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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Little Me, Big God

I woke up today praying about so many things. It struck me how small I feel facing some big challenges. Family hurting, friends facing huge, potentially life-altering pain and trials. Our own issues.

I told God how small I feel in all of these situations. How I want to make them better for the ones I love.

I realized a couple of things. I am nothing, but I have an everything God. I'm small, but I have a big God, I'm weak, but I have a strong God. I'm a child, but I have an Abba Father. I'm broken, but God is whole. I'm facing impossible situations, but I serve a Possible God. I'm insecure, but God is my shield.

This morning as I prayed for a way to make a difference in my small sphere (figures a writer would say sphere instead of circle--rolling my eyes at myself) of influence, I said, "Dear Jesus, I want so much to please you. Today, if only for today, I'll will say 'yes' to anything you ask me to do. And if I'm afraid to do it, I'll remember that I might be nothing, but you are everything."

Isn't that a really great, humble, surrendered prayer?

The thing about telling Jesus that you will say 'yes' to anything He asks of you is that He'll take you up on it. Even as I write this blog post, two paragraphs in, I received a text from my pastor's wonderful, inspiring, God-breathing, love empowered assistant: Pastor asked me to ask you if you will lead worship at prayer on Friday.

Here's the thing, I USED to be a worship leader. Like, 13 years ago. But after we started attending the church where we've been planted for 13 years, they didn't need a worship leader, so other than the occasional opportunity to lead at small gatherings, I haven't really exercised that gift or the singing muscles in a really long time. Recently, my pastor has asked me five or six times to lead and I have either said, "I'm sorry, I can't" or said yes (twice) and backed out. It's intimidating and overwhelming just thinking about it.

Last Friday I told God "If I knew this was you asking me to lead and not just my pastor being nice because he thinks I want to lead worship like I used to, I'd never say no. But I just hadn't (honestly, still haven't) settled it that it's still my calling. I know the gifts and callings are irrevocable, but just because someone CAN do something, doesn't mean they necessarily SHOULD. See?

So anyway, I was about to say, "gee, I wish I could, but...." and then make up an excuse, I remembered my prayer to say 'yes' to anything Jesus asked me to do, just for today. And I said yes, I will lead worship on Friday.

last Friday, the day I was supposed to lead, but backed out and the real worship leader led, she did a song that had the words, "You've called me to your purposes and I wouldn't trade it for the world."

So, today, just for today, I'm saying "yes" to Jesus. Whatever He asks. No matter how I feel.

I am small (not literally) but He is so big.

1 comment:

J M Gallagher said...

That's awe inspiring.
Reminds me of words my pastor said in the midst of a storm I went through: Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your God is.

It's amazing to watch Him as He works us into His plan for our lives when we truly surrender. I'll be in prayer that Friday's worship is blessed by God - after all, He called you to it and He'll anoint your obedience.

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