It's been ages since I blogged. No, I mean AGES...
But today I was thinking about God and all things we attribute to Him and I wonder how He feels about it if he didn't really send it, but rather it was just a natural coincidence. I know some folks are appalled at the thought that God might not be super-sovereign. And I truly believe in the sovereignty of God. But sometimes things just happen because we're stupid (like running out of gas) or lucky (like winning six bucks in the lottery).

But I digress... It's like stepping outside to find a perfect, blue-sky sunny day and thanking God for the perfect walk-in-the-park weather. Then 45 minutes later a storm rolls in with angry clouds, sky to ground lightning and thunder that jiggles the fat on your thighs and sends you running for your car. Which is it? Did he send the blue sky or the storm minutes later? That kind of thing always makes me feel stupid. So I just thanked God for a perfect day and He sends a storm? WHAT? Should I also thank Him for the tree-splitting lightning that races my heart and pulls in a little screamy breath? I just never know...

Or does it even matter if He's the one who sent the sun then the storm? Cloudy days eventually give way to blue skies anyway--unless you live in the Northwest part of the country--I've seen Sleepless in Seattle.

The last couple weeks I've been really wanting to just buy this book. We've been in a stormy season around here and it's been forever since I could do the "Buy with one-click" thing and watch a book magically download to my iPad Kindle App, let alone go out to eat sushi. And don't even get me started about the jealousy and self-pity I've been feeling while everyone is on vacation. :) But today I got this email from Amazon about some credit I got because of a settlement I didn't even know I was part of. I know thousands of people got the same thing, but I have been in such a long, hard season it was a refreshing mist of rain on my face. Like the spray of the ocean when the wind picks up (now I'm thinking about that vacation again--sigh...)

It started this morning when I got a reminder from my hairstylist about an appointment. You see, I had a long standing hair appointment for today. I need the cut, the facial wax (don't get me started on that either), but I had to cancel. I was so bummed, so tired of the battle--I mean, who doesn't have $40 to get a cut and have the unfortunate genetically induced mustache removed?  I don't praise well in the storm--and actually, Jesus rebuked the storm anyway so I don't see why I should have to. Living in Missouri, I always figure if there's a thunderstorm, a tornado isn't far behind and that scares the heck out of me. Dread can suck the happy right out of the soul. Just like hope deferred makes the heart sick. Dread of the future can send waves of nausea through me. People have asked me why I'm losing weight lately. I keep saying "good livin'" but the truth is...well, that's not the truth.

Rusty and I were talking about gifts on the way to church Sunday. Some people give gifts that THEY want you to have even if it's not something you're that in to. Like parents giving kids books about finances for the student. :) It's practical and would benefit, but if you wrap it up and give that as a gift, it's really more about you than the kid. I mean, yeah, we should be grateful when people think about us and want to bless us. but some things elicit excitement and other things just sort of make you think..."Hi, I'm Tracey. Clearly, you don't even know me." Like don't buy me tickets to a football game even if the seats are super cool and I get a locker room pass to meet the quarterback (if they even do that). It might be expensive and a gift you would praise Jesus about, but I'd just give it away rather than waste three hours of my life that I can never get back.  Or I'd go and take a book. :)

But God knows the gifts that please us. And He's a great dad who cares about blessing our hearts.

So I get this email about the Amazon credit. I can't help but feel like the luckiest girl alive. If you love me and want to get me a present, coffee and books are the way to go. Always. Or sushi...but coffee and books are less likely to spoil in the bag. I was skeptical at first. Because you know...spam. Then I went to my amazon account and lo-and-behold it was there! I actually started shaking it's been so long since something really good has happened. And I really, really needed something good to happen to me. God knows us so well. He knows what blesses our hearts and He speaks everyone's love language to perfection. So I was riding high on the great gift of books. Then the storm clouds rolled in and covered the blue sky again.

I guess it's like this...thank Him for the blue skies, then try to ride out the storm with as much grace as you can muster in His presence. God is still God. He's still good. Eventually, seasons DO change. And there is a lot to be grateful for. Kids who love and serve Jesus and are doing well in their big kid lives, grand babies, friends, a super awesome church where I feel loved. The ability to do what I love doing--writing.

So, thank you Lord for not letting me win free tickets to the Super Bowl, thank You for coffee and books and kids and love. I am so blessed.

Oh, and tweezers, God. Thank you for those.