image: header

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Change--it is A'coming

As a writer and a blogger who feels very strongly about being honest, letting you walk a journey with me so that you know you’re not alone, I have to share the difficult times as well as the good times.

So in that spirit, I’m sharing today that this is a tough time for my family.

Change is coming. My husband came home from his last deployment to discover the job he thought was secure had been given away. Due to an office error. Our world was ROCKED. And we kept thinking, “ok, in another week, or another month, it’ll work out. A job will be there.”

But it never happened. We fasted, prayed, tithed, gave above the tithe…did all the things we knew to do. But even my writing stopped being lucrative.

Hey, God. What’s the deal, already?

It took me almost a year to stop begging, bargaining, and blaming. (Hey, look at that, three B’s. I could work up a sermon with a title like that!)

The moment I said, Okay, Lord. What can I learn through this? God answered. And for the last seven or eight months I’ve been in a place of correction, change, re-discovering this God I had all-but forsaken. Taking my relationship with him from passive to deeper levels of surrender.

I’ve come to realize that sometimes God says, “no” and it’s for reasons my human brain doesn’t comprehend. I know that bumps up against the faith message. Because God is always good and he delights in the prosperity of his saints. But sometimes, the answer is still “no”. And God has a plan we can’t see while we’re in the middle of the loss.

A lot of people are in the same boat trying to navigate choppy water, trying to stay afloat in the middle of major waves. Financial pressure, foreclosure, loss… That’s where we are. I sit on the deck of the house I love, looking over the beauty of the green and breathing in the stillness of early morning nature, just waking up to the wonder of God’s world. I can’t help but praise Him for the soul-restoring months I’ve had here on this deck. Writing, listening to His voice, loving Him and being loved BY Him, but knowing it’s going to be gone in a few weeks.

It’s a hard pill to swallow. But I have this hope in God. He won’t leave us to fend for ourselves. It’s uncertain right now where we’ll go. Where we’ll live. We have some hard days ahead, but I trust God to walk with us as we go through them.

I know you might be thinking, “But you’re an author, where are all the diamonds?” ☺ I could tell you a lot about how much the average author really makes. But I’ll spare you.

So, as we travel this road, I’m asking for your prayers for guidance and wisdom. We have more decisions ahead than I feel qualified to make. The thought of leaving this area, if that’s what we have to do, hurts me in a physical way. I love my town, my church, and I know at least two—maybe three—of my kids would stay here without us. Because they love the town and church too.

So, change is coming. Is here. I don’t like change, but I’m hoping to move forward with grace and peace. We’ll look back some day and watch in hindsight, the hand of God gently pressing our backs and guiding us to a better place.

1 comment:

Niki Turner said...

It seems to be a season of change for a lot of us. Much of what we've endured for the last few years has left me questioning a lot of my "faith camp" doctrines and humming "I surrender all" a lot more often than I used to. I believe God is doing something in the midst of all this change and turmoil and difficulty, we just can't see the whole plan.
Prayers for you and your family!

Join Tracey's mailing list

Site by Eagle Designs