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Monday, May 28, 2012

What's God Saying When He's Not Saying Anything?

I love my quiet mornings on my deck. Everyone is sleeping, except for the birds and the occasional owl, which I happen to think is one of God’s coolest creations. I read my Bible, check email, read Michael Hyatt’s blog, check to see if my friend Lori played her turn in our on-going Word with Friends games. One game ends, another begins. I usually win, but I think that’s mostly because I care more about it—competitive ☺.

Oh well, that was an aside…

For the past eight months or so, even in the coldest days of winter, I have had soul-restoring moments, listening to God, dreaming of the future, blogging, whatever. God has met me there every morning.

Until today.

I emailed Miss Linda and told her, “God’s not talking to me today. What’s He saying to you? Maybe I can piggyback today on your Word from Him.” God always wants to speak to Miss Linda. She’s obedient, submissive to Him. Hears his voice clearly. I usually just open my Bible and point. Seems like the safer way to listen.

Anyway, so far, no word back from her. She must be doing the Memorial Day thing with family or something. So much for that.

I’m sitting in Starbucks, which, in Lebanon, is tucked inside a grocery store. I forgot my earbuds so I’m listening to ridiculous grocery store music designed to lead the unsuspecting shopper to aisles of crap food no one needs so we’ll spend more of our dwindling American dollars.

Thank God for Zen green tea and sweet n low.

As I sit here wondering why God isn’t talking, a question forms in my mind in a very Carrie Bradshaw kind of way—sans the sex…cue the spiritual:

What’s God saying, when He’s not saying anything?

Because, even when He said, “Be still and know that I am God,” he still spoke! I mean, he said, “Be still and know that I am God.” Right?

My heart is getting hungrier as the silent minutes tick away. I miss Him. The grocery store music is interspersed with Blondie and Phil Collins, which is okay, except the store manager keeps calling people over the intercom and it interrupts. And as my focus keeps getting pulled from one thing to the next, I think maybe it’s not that God’s not talking. It’s not even that I’m not listening, but my brain can’t focus today.

We’ve had a full weekend. My third baby graduated from High school. My oldest son brought a girl to church he’s been dating a few weeks and I think he’s getting serious about. Or is headed that way anyway. We’re in talks with someone who wants to move out of her house and we might move into it. I’ve been sleeping away most of the last two days to get rid of a rotten headache and then there was church yesterday.

And then I remember yesterday’s word for me from Isaiah 50:10, “For anyone out there who doesn’t know where you’re going, anyone groping in the dark, Here’s what: Trust in God. Lean on your God.” MSG

I feel like I’m groping in the dark. Either God is silent, or I’m not hearing. Either way, it sort of amounts to the same thing. We have a lot ahead of us, and I need Him.

I remember a few years ago listening to a minister talk about his experience at a tourist place here in the Ozarks called Fantastic Caverns. Which is exactly what the name says. A cavern. Cave, basically. At some point in the tour, all the lights go off and the guide says. DON’T MOVE.

The minister said, “When things get dark, and you don’t know what’s going on, DON’T MOVE until God shines some light on the issue.”

I think that’s where Rusty and I are right now. Things are dark and we don’t have a clue what happens beyond next month. God isn’t directing, because right now, we have all the information we need. Don’t make any sudden movements. Are you groping in the dark? Here’s what: Lean on me, trust me. WAIT for Me.”

So, God may not be “talking” today, maybe He’s not giving me goosebumps and weepy woo woo, but guess what? In the middle of a grocery store Starbucks listening to the worst of the 80s music and the grating intercom, God reminded me the lights WILL eventually come back on. Don’t move until they do and the path ahead of me is well lit. Maybe He was saying something after all. Only, He started talking yesterday and I didn’t get the full gist of the conversation, for whatever reason…headache, distracted, who knows?

He’s talking now. “Stay where you are. Lean against me. Trust. My finger’s on the switch and the lights will eventually come back on.”


Kristine McGuire said...

I love this post. :)

Karen B. said...

Love this, Tracey. I've always said that following God is like being in a cave, where there's no light. Not even a glimmer. All you can do is wait for his whisper or touch, then move, one step at a time, as He leads.

Thanks for the reminder!

Mary-Louise said...

I just read this blog, because I have thirty seconds, and I'm trying not to clobber my kid, whose worst nightmare at the moment is cleaning his room:

You are so good at this (blogging thing). While I was reading, I was thinking to myself; even when God doesn't talk, the absolute truth is God is faithful and will not let us fall. What a powerful thought. God has our back and all the other sides as well, and He IS trustworthy.


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