Happy Launch Day for The Widow of Saunders Creek

Today is the most exciting book launch day I've ever known. The Widow of Saunders Creek touched my heart in a way no other book I've written has.

My husband is a military guy with two deployments under his belt. As I tried to release my fear for his safety to God during his last deployment, I struggled with the idea that he might not come home. That's when the idea for this book came to me. I thought...did I love him enough, spend time listening to his ideas and concerns, was I a good wife?

I'm happy to say, he came home safe and sound. But Corrie's love didn't.

In the Widow of Saunders Creek, I addressed all my own fears and gave her a story I believe will touch your heart and challenge your faith.

A grief without boundary. A love without limits. A need that doesn't end in death.

He asked, "What is Self-confidence?

Self-confidence comes hard for me.

Last night during a class about purpose, the leader asked the question: What is self-confidence? There were a lot of answers. Boldness, feeling okay with yourself. The usual…

I’ve been mulling this over since the class. I know my confidence has taken a hit. All my life really. Being overweight, not feeling pretty enough, smart enough, good enough in general. I think for people like me who have a lot of gifts but have never mastered any of them, it’s especially hard to have the sort of quiet confidence that is so appealing in those we look to as leaders.

Instead, we tend to shove on a mask, throw back our shoulders and pretend to be better than we are. It’s that whole “fake it till you make it” garbage. And I get “do it afraid”. For sure. I’d never speak in front of anyone if I didn’t do it afraid. But the problem with pretending to be something you’re not while hoping to step into that place you’d like to be, is that you’re living a lie.

When you live the lie, you start believing it so real change, growth, whatever, never happens. It’s so much better to work hard at inner change so that you BECOME that person instead of pretending.

I think confidence comes through experience. The more you stand in front of a crowd, the more confident you become. Being prepared, surrounding yourself with competent people who help, all those things build confidence in palm-wetting situations.

But the real issue is what’s going on inside? In the core of you, me. Here’s the thing—I am confident about Jesus. I love him, know he loves me. I’m certain he is Lord.

I am also confident that when I’m weak, His strength takes over. I want that feeling of confidence, but I don’t want to be so put together that people can’t relate or that I begin relying on myself to make things happen. God gives us abilities and He doesn’t micro-manage, so when He gives a task, He expects us to carry it out. Then He watches as we take shaky faith-steps and He shoots a little more of His strength in us until we’re feeling a little less like a slug and a little more like Superman. If our hearts aren’t ready for the feeling we can mistake His strength for ours and our confidence turns to pride.

That’s my experience and therefore shapes my opinion. So, I’m praying “God, help me follow through with your plans for me, but never let me become confident in myself.” Because I know myself. I’m a fast and easy target for Pride. But insecurity and lack of confidence are major turnoffs and I don’t want to portray that either.

Daniel says, “Those who know their God will be strong and do exploits.”

Confidence comes through relationship with God. Because only what I do for God, fulfilling his purpose for me matters.

One thing I know…He who began a good work in me will continue it.

If I let Him.

My reason for taking this class is not so much to FIND my purpose. I know what I’m called to do and be in this life, but more to become more stable in my face-forward determination to finish the race. I’ve always started strong and finished short of the goal. But God has been doing an inner work in me over the last few months. The kind of work that brings true and lasting change. The choice is mine. I know I can drop the ball any second and I’m holding on to hope with a knuckle-whitening desperation to stay focused on what’s important.

Self-confidence. Yeah, God wants that for me. But more than that, He wants me to remember where that strength comes from so I don’t mistake His strength for my own.

Only God can accomplish that in me. I’m resting in Him to keep me on course.

The Real Story Happens on the Page

I woke up this morning thinking about my new book that is coming out next week (May 8th). It’s got the best cover ever and a compelling blurb on the back. But it came to me. The real story happens between those two selling points.

I think you can see where I’m going here. ☺

God has been leading me—or at least my agent has, I’m hoping she’s hearing from God, and she probably is because she’s much more spiritual than I am—to work on some nonfiction writing. The real stuff that opens my veins and pours my blood onto the page.

I’ve lived so much of my life over the past fifteen years showing a great cover and telling only the best parts of my story that people have gotten a wrong idea of who I truly am. They see my great kids and assume I’m a great mom. Let’s just be real…my kids ARE great, but not because of me. In spite of me.

My marriage looks amazing on the outside looking in, but again, that’s mostly because of my husband’s efforts. Not mine. Although I’m trying to be better at loving him better, so that HIS marriage is also great. And not just mine.

At church, I lift my hands and worship and appear so spiritual, but often my heart is far away from the worship. I smile and say the right things, but my head is often not in the conversation.
Learning to be honest, living authentically, is one of the most challenging mandates God (or my agent, whichever the case my be) has ever given to me.

This past weekend I hosted a writing workshop for new and intermediate writers. I taught about building a novel stone by stone.

And honestly, it went so well, I’m still trying to process why on earth God would cover me in such a gracious manner. Everyone was looking at me, to me, to teach them the tools to start a novel or in some cases, make their existing work better and all day I felt like a real idiot. What could I possibly say to help anyone when I feel like my own work is so far below the books that are published and sitting on the shelves next to mine?

Truly, the real heroes Saturday were the three women who came alongside me and helped make it a success. Laura, who nudged me to do it in the first place and did most of the hard work on Saturday. She covered registration, book sales, introduced me, passed out handouts, drew for giveaways, was the time keeper.

She made me look good. And I got the recognition. Julie and Aleah, the Domestically Divine Divas who catered the whole thing. Kept coffee going all day, made scones for the registration time, decorated the lunch tables so perfectly and worked their tails off to fix an UH-MAZING lunch. But I still got most of the credit.

I am humbled.

But God has a way of taking our weaknesses, adding His strength and working through the motives of the heart to accomplish his purposes. My heart said, “God, use me to speak Your words, in spite of my weakness, insecurity and desperate need to be liked.

And at the end of the day, most of the attendees weren’t ready to leave. It was one of those life-changing moments (hours!) for me. God breathing destiny into my heart. A future and a hope.

Opening the book of our life and allowing people to journey through the pages alongside us can be scary. But I’m learning that the risk pales next to the payoff, which to me, is allowing God to use me.

Here am I, Lord, send me.

Ya Gotta Have Friends

I have to just admit it. I’m terrible at friendships. I break dates, don’t listen well, and have a hard time wrapping my arms around someone who is crying. Not because I don’t feel the pain, but because when I’m hurting, I don’t want hugs. Usually. So I want to respect a person’s space. But I’ve come to realize not everyone is like me. And to open my arms from time to time can be a powerful friendship-affirming moment.

I knew God was truly changing me one day when my friend Angie came to visit. Angie’s an I-need-hugs kind of girl, but over the past twenty-five years since we became friends—best friends, really—she’s learned to lower her expectations and just call me when she needs to vent. It removes the pressure from us both. She can’t get a phone hug and I’m not sitting there while she weeps feeling awkward.

So Angie came for lunch and we sat on the deck one beautiful spring day catching up on weeks of passing each other at church with a hug and a hi and the occasional story about her beautiful daughter Torey, who happens to be my God-daughter.

What started out as an easy lunch between two friends, turned into a heart to heart talk and she started to cry.

And here’s how I knew God had started changing me…I moved toward her, wrapped her in my arms and we cried together. I think the action shocked us both. Seriously. But it was such a holy and tender moment, I didn’t want to mess it up by bringing attention to the fact that I’d had a breakthrough.

After all, the moment was about her.

Friendships are precious and Jesus proved it when he surrounded himself with the twelve. They were much more than his servants. They were buddies, friends. Not intimate strangers.

We aren’t meant to do life alone. Friends matter and I’m learning that it can’t be all about me and my needs. I always figured, if you want to be my friend, you have to respect my boundaries. But God is showing me that I have to respect the different personalities He brings into my life as well. Angie loves me. She’s proven that through loyal and undeserved friendship over a quarter century (have I mentioned that she is older than I am?)

I’m grateful for her devotion.

Friends will give their lives for each other. And I know without a doubt Angie would give hers for me.

Only God can knit hearts together. I’m so very thankful for his needle knitting her heart with mine.

A Walking Contradiction

I can be hard on myself.

It’s true. I’m a walking contradiction, vacillating between making excuses or drawing a firm line in the sand that must not be crossed, or else... I shudder to think what the or else might be, but these half-painted toenails are going nowhere near that line, on the off chance God has sent an army of sand crabs just waiting for my chubby toes to try to step over.

Most days, especially since I started writing about identity, truth in the innermost being, I’m so focused on gut-pulling honesty, I’m seeing more of the not-so-great than the great things about me.

It’s like I think God’s going to read this stuff and yank my calling out from under me, as if He didn’t already know I drive too fast, (the kids have told him repeatedly—usually while we’re in the car). I bite my nails when I’m worried, and watch Days of Our Lives with almost as much passion as I read the Bible.

I cry out to Him, why do you love me? Why are you using me? Once people know the truth about me they’re going to hate me and probably burn all my fiction books—even the Prairie romances. Why do you care if I live or die—actually, you probably want me to live, dear Lord, because if I die, you are bound by your word to take me in. And then you’re stuck with me. For all eternity, which is way longer than Rusty has to put up with me since there’s no marriage in heaven.

Let me just be real, here. A perfectionist who is never perfect has MAJOR self-worth issues.

Lori, my counselor says, “I think you need to give yourself a break.” (she was talking about my tendency to think I need to work within the four walls of the church only to get overwhelmed—pull back—then feel like a big slug).

Uh, no. when I give myself a break, I make excuses for myself. (I really need to tell this to my counselor??).

From my mom, “You feel so guilty for the times you didn’t do the right things, you forget all the great things you did for the kids when they were little.”

Whatever, Mom. You’re Mom, and by the way, what do you mean the times I didn’t do the right things? I can say I messed up, but you aren’t supposed to agree with me!

My Forever Friend, Jules, after reading a section of this book, “I thought you were a little too honest or maybe just too hard on yourself.”

Ah, Forever Friend, Jules, you just don’t know me well enough.

From my dear, wise agent, Karen, “He (the devil) is not hounding you because you're off base, pal, he's doing it because you're smack-dab on target.”

Yes, she has a point, and she called me pal—which now makes me think we are bffs.

So today, these words are floating around my mushy, took-a Benadryl-last-night-and-now-I’ll-be-less-than-functional-today brain. It’s six-thirty in the evening and that stuff STILL hasn’t worn off, despite the two pots of coffee.

I can’t stop thinking about what my closest peeps are telling me. Is it possible? AM I in fact too hard on myself. Hmmm. Maybe I should give myself a break.

OH NO! What I told Lori is true, I can feel excuses coming on—in cliché form, which is death to a writer. I’m not perfect, just forgiven. God hates the sin, but LOVES the sinner, let go and let God. And the deadliest of all, Please be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet.

Today, I realized—in a non-excuse sort of way—that, no, I’m not too hard on myself, (actually, Karen doesn’t think I’m too hard on myself, either). I was reading Romans 12 today where Paul says, "See yourself for what you truly are." I want that. I'm ordinary with extraordinary potential. Just like all of us. Whether I step out of ordinary into purpose truly is my choice to make. And it's tough.

BUT

There must be joy in this journey as well. Because anything less is a lie from the one who is nothing but lies.

Joy is my strength.

Strength is my courage.

Courage propels my to make the next shaky step.

For now, my shaky step is to admit I have some good qualities, which is often harder than admitting my faults. We are supposed to be humble, you know.

So here are a few great things you might like to know.

I have green eyes. I happen to think that’s cool. I really thought it was cool after reading Gone With the Wind.

I’m a devastatingly good cook (although the kids remember, and often mention, the pumpkin pie with no sugar and the eggplant crust pizza—from one of the low carb phases of my life).

I can almost always keep the car on the road as long as I’m not looking at the radio for too long combined with driving too fast. Another good thing car-related thing—I don’t text and drive, although I’ll admit I do talk on the cell and drive. Sorry Oprah, I tried. But I back off the accelerator during conversations.

I’m a crack-shot aim with death-in-a-can. I’ve been known to kill wasps, hornets, and the occasional bee from four feet away. I usually get a face full of the stuff when I do this, so not sure it’s a good idea—but I can do it. With Annie Oakley precision.

I’m loyal to my friends and family—in a love-me-love-my-dog sort of way.

I rarely use improper grammar. Unless I need to make a point.

My husband laughs at me at least twice a day—Ha! Ha! laughter, not the mocking variety.

Did I say I’m a good cook?

Okay, that’s enough for now. I’m starting to get a big head--besides, I can't think of anything else. But you get the point.

I have times of failure and times of victory. I’m pretty sure the balance is starting to tilt toward V. But sometimes it’s hard to take note of the good things when the enemy of my soul is, as Karen says, “hounding” me. Accusing me, screaming that I’ve always started strong and finished short of the goal—hello? Does he NOT realize I carried four babies from start to finish and have great kids to prove it? Also, my twenty-three year marriage—if that’s not success… 40 books published. Yeah, God and me.

Not a total failure.

So, I’m getting it. So grateful for the people in my life who tell me the truth when I’m falling short, but also when I’m doing well.

We’re not meant to struggle or celebrate alone.

And I’m learning that.

Yay, God.

Faith Friday: Josh

The first time I noticed Josh, he was a Freshman in high school and played keyboard for the fledgling youth band at church. Today, he’s an adult, almost through college, and co-leads worship for the adult services as well as leading for the now-incredible youth band. He’s real and loves Jesus. I think you’re going to like him.


Josh, recently, I read an article about young men in today’s society—from 18 to well in their 30s, who choose to live at home with parents, not pay rent, and spend their days playing video games and texting. Why do you think that’s the perception of your generation’s guys?

J: I think this is the perception of my generation's guys simply because everyone is following someone and that someone that most are following, well, you know... We are all thirsty, some people just choose to drink from the toilet. All of this comes down to responsibility. Young men in my generation have the perception that responsibility is too hard. Unfortunately, the society that we live makes it too easy for these young people to stay relationally immature.


Why have you chosen to set yourself apart?

J: I do not necessarily see myself as being set apart but rather that I am diligently pursuing a lifestyle that makes the most sense.


What are you doing—or plan to do—to influence the world outside of your sphere?

J: I am much less concerned with influencing the world outside my sphere than those who are in it. I am more concerned with building strong relationships with the people around me and being able to communicate beliefs and ideals by what people see me doing. I am a big advocate for setting priorities in life and making sure that those priorities stay in the correct order. I believe that the most important thing that I have to give anyone else is my time.


You’re about through with college, got any plans?

J: My plans for after college are still to be determined. I am a simple guy. I plan on marrying the one I love and choosing a vocation that will provide for whatever this life has in store for my spouse and I.

Who has influenced you the most in terms of building your relationship with Jesus? Got any mentors?

I do enjoy the teachings of one pastor in particular. I will not be a "name dropper" so I will not tell who it is but rather how his teaching has influenced me. I was first introduced to this pastor when I was a freshman in college. His teaching has helped to push me in the direction of developing an identity for myself in the two major roles that I will fill in my life as husband and father. He has taught me that being able to shave does not automatically make me a man and he has taught me the importance of being a provider and accepting the responsibility that comes with exchanging a short-term perspective with an eternal one.


Great, thought-provoking and inspiring answers.

Much thanks to Josh for being my new Faith Friday guinea pig. He's one of many in his generation walking out his belief system and making more of a difference than he probably knows, just by being himself. He makes me want to do life with Jesus better.

And I like that about him...

Widow of Saunders Creek

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I thought I'd take the day to tell you about my upcoming release from Waterbrook. The Widow of Saunders Creek.

When I was a kid, ghosts, witches, and vampires were the scary things of fairy tales and cartoons. Scooby Doo often forced me to watch filled with tension and some fear until the end came and the greedy business owner was revealed as the “real” ghost.

A mere thirty years later, our airwaves are glutted with ghosts, witches, and those who speak with the dead. Only, they're not explained away anymore. TV shows like Ghost Whisperer, Ghost Hunters, and Medium, have de-sensitized our society of “anything goes” mentality to accept that ghosts are the souls of our dearly departed trying to communicate and mediums are using “God-given” gifts to help us do that.

As a Christian and a mom, this really bugs me. The lines between fiction, fantasy and fairy tales have been breeched and our kids are blasted daily, hourly with intriguing bits of so-called reality that they can’t always recognize as a trap of the enemy to draw them into his purposes: accepting his lies as truth and furthering the gap between God and the creation He so loves. And it’s not only Christian kids. Christian men and women are beginning to rationalize and accept the presence of “ghosts” as departed souls rather than what they are…demons, out to kill, steal, and destroy.

To that end, The Widow of Saunders Creek began to develop in my mind, and then slipped into my heart as I prayed for truth. The word is clear… we must not engage in speak with the dead or witchcraft. One scripture among many:
• Deuteronomy 18:10-13
Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD, and because of these detestable practices the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the LORD your God.

I just think it matters to God whether we dabble in this stuff or not.

I wrote this book in holy fear, constantly reminded that if God didn’t involve Himself in the writing, the story, that I would fail. I couldn’t do this alone. I’m not that smart and I’m not that brave.

I interviewed Kristine McGuire, a former witch, medium, ghost hunter who has been featured on 700 Club, so that I could keep things authentic without writing a “how-to” book for those reading and curious about séances and witchcraft and ghost hunting.

Corrie Saunders’ journey begins with deep, heart-wrecking grief. She’ll do anything for one more moment with the man she loved and lost. As the story evolves she must come to understand that God’s ways are always higher and the enemy of her soul has one focus in mind where she is concerned: to separate her from the love of God and take her down a path of destruction. But for God…

It’s my belief that God spoke this book into my heart and crafted it into being for such a time as this. It’s my prayer that He will lay it in the hands of those who need it most.

On sale May 8, 2012
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